Beyond Birthday
by thatswhyyyoudont
Summary: L x B slash, L x Light slash. How Beyond really comes to have his name written in the death note.
1. Glass

"L. Lawliet," The man leaning against the wall was in shadow. There is only one person, save for Watari and Misa II, who could know his name.

"Beyond," he says uneasily. It is unnerving hearing his name, let alone from the horror mirror of himself. The other man steps forward and bows mockingly, and his scars are not as bad as L remembers.

"You look well."

"Thanks to you." His smile is not at all friendly. "I know prisons don't pay for all that expensive surgery."

"Why don't you cover the scars, seeing as you're so good with make up?" Because he must be, they can't be that alike.

B smirks. "Why, don't you like them? We're actually quite similar, you know," he says, reading L's mind. "Same height and build, same bone structure, same age, both mongrels with some Japanese in us."

He steps forward, and L takes a step back out of instinct. His phone is in his pocket. The HQ is nearby. He knows he can save himself. Still, he is cursing himself for being so stupid.

B pushes him through the window and falls after him. His weight crushes him into shards of glass and mud and his own blood, as he lies there stunned. They are about equal in strength and ability, but B's mania gives him an advantage. L tries crawling backwards out from underneath him, cutting his hands feet and elbows, only Beyond hauls him back by the ankles like some kind of demon.

When L is close enough, B he drags him between his knees by his shirt and is on him again, kissing him as he pushes him back down. L squirms beneath him, breathing in sharply as the glass digs into his back. He tastes blood in their mouths, has no idea whose it is.

"This is how you thank me for all that expensive surgery?"

"No L, this is how I thank you for never coming to see me. This is for A. This is for sending Misora instead of facing me yourself. This is for loving Wammy more than me, even though you're nothing to him!"

Beyond shakes him as he says it, and only stops once L is still. He grins down at L lazily, like nothing has happened, propping his elbows on L's chest and resting his chin on his hands, taut enough and strong enough to keep L pinned.

"What do you want?"

B digs his nails in L's shoulders, drawing more blood, and licks it away.

"This is what I want," he says, like it's obvious. "This is all I ever wanted, L." He licks up more blood. "Lawliet." L can feel how hard he is through his jeans. "Is this how you stop your criminals, Lawli?" he asks, trailing a bloody hand down L's chest. It comes to a stop over L's groin and squeezes gently. "Is this why your record is so good?"

"B," he swallows, trying to ignore the hand. "B. Stop it."

"Hmm." B is sort of playing with L's fly. He doesn't seem to be listening.

"B."

"Beyond," he corrects. "I always hated those fucking initials they gave us."

L says nothing.

"He was just using you, you know. Your entire childhood. He raised us all as fucking tools, not children. Even you. Especially you, maybe."

"But we're away from that now."

"Yeah. And you haven't exactly got a holiday home and wife and kids and two dogs, have you?" he sneers. "We're all fucked up. I'm the shining example, maybe, but we are all so fucked up. A was just the start of it."

L flinches and has to look away.

He sees Beyond's hand come towards him but it only cups his cheek, thumbing it gently. "I wasn't getting at you, Lawli. I know A wasn't your fault."

B draws his hand away. Then without warning he rakes L's shirt up and kisses him again, pressing his now bare back into the glass. L tries not to struggle, knowing it will make things worse, struggles anyway. Things go fuzzy for a while, and when he comes to, Beyond is sitting up and licking one of L's hands like a cat. He is holding L's bloody fingers delicately between his own, and L thinks he will break them, one by one, just to hear the sound they make.

"Did you ever know who your parents were?" Beyond murmurs, their blood mixing. "Perhaps we are related." Then he looks down at L thoughtfully. "I'm going to fuck you now."

L takes the news without much surprise.

"You're very quiet," Beyond says between kisses and licks. "It's almost as if you want this."

"I do not," he says through clenched teeth. "Do not kid yourself, Beyond."

"Mm," he says. "Perhaps you deserve it, though."

He hums approval in L's ear as he gets him off, like he wasn't a whimpering, sobbing mess moments ago when he came, as if he were the one to be bent over and fucked on a floor of glass and mud. "My little masochist," he murmurs. "I didn't know you had it in you."

He turns L over gently when he is done.

L lets him, not caring. He is almost semi conscious with the pain.

"No-one's done this to you before." He looks pleased.

L reaches up blindly and smudges the black eye liner with his thumb. B leans into the touch like a pet.

"Why do you dress like me?"

"You know why."

"But you don't need to. You, A, all of you. You're good enough."

"Why don't you ask your precious Watari?" he says, a slight edge back in his voice.

L sighs.

"Are you working on the Kira case?"

"Yes." There was no point in lying.

"How's it going?"

"Fine."

B smirks at the evasive response. "Maybe I can help. With Shinigami eyes, I can- "

"I know who Kira is," L says impatiently, back on the case despite everything. "I've known for a long time. I just need to prove it."

"I see," B says. "Well, I have every faith in you."

L stares at him. It takes a while to sink in that Beyond is not going to kill him.

The other man gets to his feet. He stands over L for a moment, flanking his hips, then steps back and offers L his bloody hand, which L doesn't take. "Fine," he says, retracting it. He backs towards the door. "Give me a head start, yeah? For old time's sake."

When he's gone, it dawns on L what has happened to him. He wants to take fistfuls of glass and throw them.

He takes out his phone with his better functioning hand, finds it has cracked and is not responding. He lets it drop and closes his eyes. He needs to think.


	2. Cookies

Back at the HQ, he is hoping to make it to the showers before anyone sees him, but they all see him, and judging by the looks on their faces, he looks horrific.

"What happened?" Chief Yagami takes his arm.

"Nothing," L says. They are kind. They bring him a glass of water. They keep talking about the hospital. "Shower," he finds himself mumbling. He is convinced they can all smell him. "I need to shower right now."

"You're in shock," Soichiro tells him.

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine," he keeps saying it and saying it, rather stupidly, as he's still bleeding and shaking and so clearly not fine.

Light has been very quiet. He watches L with wide, frightened eyes. L ignores him. He can only deal with one serial killer at a time.

There is glass everywhere, in his skin, in his hair, between his toes, and now in the plug hole of the shower. The scalding water makes him wince.

He is sitting on a drenched towel in his underwear, pulling glass out of his skin when Light comes in. He swears he locked the door.

"You're being ridiculous." The teen's voice is shaking.

L takes no notice.

"You're going to hurt yourself. Just go to hospital."

He winces, trying to pull out a bigger shard of glass that will just not budge.

"L."

"Ryuzaki," he snaps.

"I'll come with you."

"I don't want you."

"Well, you don't trust me here, do you? If I'm with you you can keep an eye on me."

L looks down at the red towel that was once white.

"Are you sure you don't want us to call Watari?"

He nods. Watari is not ready for this.

He needs to go to hospital. He would quite like Light's father to take him, to be looked after, but he quickly dismisses the thought. Soichiro needs to be here with his men.

"All right," he says to Light reluctantly.

* * *

"I know what happened."

L looks at Light warily. It is the first time they have been alone since the hospital.

"I've been thinking about what happened. You insisted on showering before going to the hospital, even though you were in so much pain. I know what that means."

L continues to type on his computer. "Light-kun is finding more and more opportunities to practice his detective skills," he observes dryly.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but I felt sick thinking about it."

"My heart bleeds for you."

"How did it even happen? Who knows where you are?"

"That's what I've been wondering myself," L says. "As there are very few people in this world who know my location as L. Very few," he looks at Light pointedly. Then he gets up and steps round him politely to get out the door. "Excuse me."

He is unprepared for when Light throws him against the wall. His eyes smart as the wounds on his back reopen. "How could you," he says. "Think I had something to do with this? How could you even think that of me?"

"You're right," he says, to get Light off him more than anything else. "I apologise, Light-kun. I'm upset. I've not been thinking straight. Please let go."

Light has the decency to loosen his hold slightly, but he doesn't let go. "Did you listen to what I said?"

"I listened," he says. "You're hurting me."

Light lets go. "Sorry," he says, as L winces and rubs his head. His heart is banging painfully from having someone so violently close to him again. In normal circumstances, he could have thrown Llight off him without even thinking about it. He doesn't know what's wrong. He sits down so Light can't see how shaken he is.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes." He draws up his knees.

"Are you going to bed soon? You look exhausted."

"I was going," he said impatiently. "To work in my room. But I would prefer to work here, if Light-kun could please refrain from talking."

"OK, OK," he sighs in defeat and goes back to his own desk.

L opens his laptop again. "If you get up before me, please bring me some sugar."

"Ok." He pauses. "Er, when you say some sugar...? "

"Anything," L cuts him off. He begins to type morosely. "Any sugar."

* * *

Light is a long time bringing him his sugar. Over an hour, in fact. L supposes he should be checking on him, or that Light is punishing him, so he is completely surprised when Light returns with s tray of hot, delicious smelling cookies. Kira is baking him cookies. He very nearly laughs.

"Peace offering," Light explains, setting the tray down. "And no, I haven't poisoned them." He takes a bite out of one to prove his point.

L stares at him. "You baked me cookies."

"Yes," Light says contentedly. "And I know my probability as Kira must be skyrocketing right now. But, like I said, they're not poisoned. Though it's my first shot at baking, so who knows." He shrugs. "Tastes fine."

L picks a cookie and takes a cautious bite. "Light-kun," he says, seriously. "Has missed his true calling in life."

Light laughs, his real laugh, not the one he puts on. "They're not bad," he allows. "When this is over," he says then, and L's warmth evaporates like it had never been there in the first place. "I'm going to help you find who did this. I mean it."

L doesn't look at him. The cookie has turned to acid in his mouth, and he has to force himself to swallow.

* * *

He works on as steadily as ever. Having such a gruelling case is actually rather soothing. It leaves his brain no time for his own problems. The team send worried glances his way, keep their distance. L tries to keep Watari working on things away from the HQ. He doesn't want to face him, not yet.

Light hovers around him looking like he wants to say something but never does.

L checks each page of each death note. Sure enough, Beyond Birthday's name is not there. Of course, it could have been torn out, but it isn't likely. What's likely is that B exploited the case, the mania, to fake his own death. If anyone could figure out how to achieve that in a top security prison in LA, it was Beyond. And if he could achieve that, getting a fake passport and plane ticket to Japan would be child's play.

But what now? He hasn't heard anything of Beyond since. He hoped Beyond would hold off until this was over. He couldn't cope with the two of them.

He hadn't left the HQ since, not even to play tennis with Light or get some cake. He had a moment in the supermarket where he swears he saw Beyond, and more or less ran back to the HQ. No. He would not be making that mistake again.

He calls a brief meeting to put an end to the looks he's getting.

"This development is unrelated to the Kira case, but I have to take precautions." He nibbles his thumb. "The serial killer Beyond Birthday died of a heart attack several months ago. Except he didn't. He used the case and the panic to fake his death. His name is not in either of the death notes, and he was last seen in Japan. His face is burned, but he is quite experienced at covering them with make up, so you can only tell close up."

They all stare at him.

"I have a very good team working on his arrest. I just wanted to make you aware of the situation, as regrettably, there is an intelligent man that looks exactly like me strolling about Japan. So please be mindful. Oh, and don't mention this to Light." And with that he gets up and goes back to work, not bothering to dismiss them.

He deliberately hadn't let Light in on this meeting. Despite everything, he doesn't want Beyond killed.

* * *

"You know each other."

L sighs, but does not stop working. It is not a question, but that doesn't mean Light kun is about to stop talking.

"Or you've seen each other, at least, for him to look like you."

"He could have heard of me."

"No-one knows what you look like or how you are," Light says emphatically, and L sighs again.

"Will Light-kun please not concern himself about Beyond Birthday. It is a waste of his intellectual resources that should be utilised for the case."

"Why hasn't it been in the papers?" Light persists. "His fake death, the fact that he's out there?"

"Because I would not like to draw Kira's attention to him," he says. "I would like him to be brought to justice." He watches Light very carefully as he speaks. The teen doesn't flinch.

"I thought it would be more important to protect the public."

"Allowing media hype will protect them no more than sending a trained team to close in on him," he says.

"It just makes me sick," he says quietly.

He shrugs. "Worse things have happened."

"I worry about you when you say thing like that."

L types on. "Light-kun is quite possibly the sweetest suspect I have ever worked with."

"That's the nicest thing you've said to me."

"I've said plenty of nice things to you."

"Such as?"

He has to think about it. "I said you were my friend. I said you were very intelligent. I offered you a piece of cake."

Light laughs at him.

L is still smiling when he realises he has a text. It fades when he reads what it says.

 _Call your men off. I just almost killed one of them._


	3. Chacha

_Call your men off. I almost killed one of them._

He stares at his phone for some time before replying.

 _You knew this was coming. You're supposed to be in prison._

 _I'm supposed to be dead. Call them off. Last warning._

L doesn't call them off, but he tells them to be careful. He doesn't hear from Beyond again that night, and none of them die.

The next night, Beyond texts him an address, quickly followed by, _Come alone, obviously._

L doesn't even bother replying. As if he is meeting this man anywhere. He is about to forward this to the team on Beyond's arrest, and is interrupted by another message.

 _I mean it, Lawli. I know Yagami is Kira. How would you feel if I approached him and struck up a little alliance?_

L feels sick. He doesn't dare look at Light, who is typing oblivious at his side.

 _Get here right now._

"I have to go."

Light gives a start, looks at him in confusion."What?"

He stumbles to his feet, avoiding Light's eyes. "I just…have to go. I'll be back soon."

"Go where? L?"

The daylight folds his forehead in a wince, like he's been living indoors, which of course he has. Now he is away from Light, he finds he can think a little better. Panic made him hasty. He gets another text before he can consider his options further.

 _I'm willing to be cooperative if you are. You can tell Watari or someone where you're going, when you'll be back, so long as you can guaranteed I'm not arrested. Because I will fight back._

This is ludicrous to him, and he feels a stab of anger at the words. _You're going to be arrested, Beyond. Get over yourself._

 _I just want to fucking talk to you. It's important. It'll help with the Kira case. You can keep your fucking phone or a knife in your hand the entire time._

He doesn't know why he gives in. Instinct. His instinct is always right. He texts the address to Wammy just in case. The man replies with a simple _?_ but L leaves it, knowing he will if he doesn't elaborate. Beyond has given up his location. He is trusting L to not send the dogs. L has no reason to trust him in return. So why is he doing this?

He takes one of Watari's seldom used cars, a less conspicuous BMW. He has always quite liked driving, though he never really has the time for it, or the concentration for long spurts. Driving, L can almost pretend he's normal. He's normally open the window and play something, anything, on the radio, but now he wants to keep his tension. He wants to be ready.

The house is typical of the suburbs, large, old-ish, fairly pretty with the cherry blossom tree just over the porch, flecking it with petals. There is a solid _SOLD_ sign in the ground. No cars.

He parks on the empty driveway. He has to take a few breaths to steady himself. His brain keeps jumping between who is more dangerous, who he is more afraid of, and has been telling himself resolutely that it is _Light_ , Light is the biggest threat to himself and the world. But now, moments from facing the other man, that is hard for L to believe.

"L." Beyond steps aside to let him in the hall. It smells fresh, new, like the wood has been varnished. He doesn't turn his back to Beyond as he closes the door, and leads him in. He is half expecting to find a family bound or dead.

Instead, in the partly furnished living room, a fluffy white puppy is lying on its back, chewing the corner of the rug. It jumps up when it sees L and runs over to him.

L stares at the puppy at his legs, then at Beyond, and Beyond rolls his eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt the puppy."

Beyond gets down on his knees and starts playing with it. L continues to stare. He looks around warily, in case this is a distraction. From what he can see, there is no-one, nothing. A few boxes stacked against the wall, creamy white sofa, coffee table, TV.

"They didn't have any fluffy white cats," Beyond jokes, and L looks down at them.

Slowly, he eases into a crouch, a safe distance away from Beyond, and the puppy runs to him at once. After a moment's hesitation, he pets it.

"You look better," Beyond begins, and suddenly L begins to laugh.

Kira is baking him cookies, and Beyond Birthday has a puppy. These are the people who will break him.

"L?"

The puppy is trying to lick his face, and he realises he is about to cry instead. He ducks his head so Beyond won't see, and the puppy begins to chew on his hair.

"Oi." L stiffens as Beyond reaches out, but he only extracts the puppy gently. The puppy squirms in his arms and tries to lick his nose. Then he rolls his eyes as L's catch them.

"What part of, 'I'm not going to hurt the puppy,' do you not understand?"

L doesn't answer. He is trying to figure out why he's here. He reaches out to tickle the pup's tummy. "When does he die?"

"15 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, half an hour." Beyond kisses its head. "I reckon he's about 12 weeks old."

"What are you doing with him?"

"I found him. He's an orphan too, I think. I've had posters up everywhere, called all the pounds and vets, but no-one's missing a fluffy white pup. Maybe it was a litter taken to be drowned, or something, and he got away."

L looks away.

"So I had him vaccinated, and he's house trained now. He's a smart boy." He hesitates. "You can borrow him, if you want. For stress relief."

L looks at him, incredulous. "That's why you brought me here?"

"No." He puts the puppy down. It flops onto its stomach and begins to lick his hand. "I've been rethinking my career as your back-up."

Just at the name, L feels sick.

"And I was thinking I could maybe be your eyes."

He waits for him to explain.

"Kira has an extra pair of eyes, right? So you need one too."

"You were threatening to join forces with Kira an hour ago."

"That was to get you here," Beyond says, patiently, like L has chosen to be slow today. He doesn't quite look L in the eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did."

L snorts. He doesn't believe it for a second. "Can I pick him up?" L gestures to the puppy. He doesn't know when he'll have the chance to hold one again.

"Sure."

He gets his hands around the pup's belly and picks him up, buries his face in his fur, but still keeps an eye on Beyond.

"You know, I've only ever killed people who were going to die anyway," B tells him. L doesn't bother disputing the logic of this. "And I always drugged them before I hurt them."

"Except me," he says, voice flat, slightly muffled by fur.

"Except you." He pauses. "You never came to see me. You or Wammy. I know you paid for the surgery and the therapists, but you didn't even call. Not even a God damn Christmas card. Then when I was out…I knew no-one would ever look at me or touch me again. Then I…I made a mistake."

L holds out the puppy to look at him, still keeping Beyond in his sight, and it wriggles and tries to lick his face. He refuses to be taken in by this, even though he can tell Beyond is not lying.

"Let me help catch Kira."

"I don't need your eyes," L tells him, drawing the pup near again. "I already knew Yagami was Kira. And I know who the second Kira is."

"I can still help."

"You're going to be arrested, Beyond." His voice is flat, cold. "The only reason you haven't been is because I have chosen to prioritise the Kira case. All of your crimes still stand."

"All of them?" he repeats. "Then why didn't you tell them what I did to you?"

L's grip tightens on the puppy, and it starts to bark. He has to put it down. Beyond distracts it with a little ball.

"I know you haven't. I know you blame yourself for what happened with A, and maybe with me. But I shouldn't have said that to you. It's not your fault."

"You could have had that realisation sooner," L snaps, and B lowers his head. "It doesn't matter, anyway. I'm not letting you near this case out of some twisted sense of guilt, or your need to redeem yourself."

"You'll have to take him in." He nods at the puppy.

"Are you taking this seriously?"

"Are you?" He rolls him the ball. "It's just another day for you, isn't it?"

L rolls the ball back, says nothing.

"There's something else, too."

L looks at him steadily, bracing for more bad news.

"Wammy is going to die next week."

He feels as if Beyond has punched him. All the air leaves his stomach. He squeezes the ball in his fist.

"How can I believe you," he spits. The puppy whines and nudges his hand, urging him to keep playing.

He shrugs. "That's up to you."

"And even if I did," He is hard. "Are you implying he can be saved? Is that how it works?"

"I've no idea," Beyond admits. "I've experimented with saving people, but it never works. I've seen people's numbers change, but it'd be impossible to point to the cause and effect. But if I could pinpoint the cause of death, I think it could be changed. Do you know how Kira operates?"

"Yes." L sits there staring into space. He's testing it in the back of his mind, how much help Beyond could be. A lot, potentially. Not necessary, but it will certainly speed up the arrest. When he is calmer, he strokes the dog's head. "What's his name?"

"Chacha."

"Isn't that a girl's name?"

He shrugs. "He's a dog, he's not going to care. Chacha was my favourite manga character."

L absorbs this without comment. "Why here?"

"This was my parents' house."

L looks at him to see if he is lying.

"It's been for sale since I was announced dead. I was supposed to get it when I turned 18."

"And now?"

"And now I made the estate agent an offer she couldn't refuse. Which isn't fair, seeing as it's technically my house, but with me being legally dead and the new identity and all…"

"I don't believe you," L says. "Either a lot of people are dead, or scared, or you're somehow in with money or people."

"Money," he says simply. "Don't worry about where it's coming from. No-one's been hurt other than you."

L doesn't push it. It's not like it matters. Beyond won't be free for much longer.

"I was planning on just messing with you until I was arrested and killed. But, you're so wrapped up from the world, it's hard. I did a lot of thinking. I came to see this house. And I realised, faking my death and all…I didn't have to do the same stupid shit over again. I don't want to be you anymore."

L is unimpressed. "So then why did you give yourself up, if you've got it all worked out?"

"Give myself up?"

"To me."

"I want to help you. I've been trying to observe from a distance, but obviously there's only so much I can do."

"There's only so much you could do on the inside, too."

"I could talk to his Shinigami." L looks at him, and he smiles. "Good, I knew you would have figured that much out. I can also mess with him a little, or even pretend I'm on his side, however you want to play it."

"He's very smart," L finds himself saying. "He'd be at Wammy's if he were an orphan."

"All the more reason for you to let me help. And he's not that smart," B says with contempt. "There's only one L."

"Beyond," he says in acid tones. "You can't just get a house and puppy and tell me you want to help and think that makes it OK." He speaks a little louder than he means to. The puppy whimpers and runs to Beyond instead.

"I know that," he says.

Their eyes fall to the puppy. Beyond rolls the ball to him, and L rolls it back. He is beginning to get a migraine.

"You could just think about it," Beyond suggests.

"You could just help from your prison cell," L growls. "That will kill two birds for me."

"That wouldn't be much use to you."

He doesn't respond.

"Just think about it. Talk to Wammy, if you want. I won't do anything while I'm waiting."


	4. Watari

Apart from the glass incident, as he thinks of it in his head, L tells Watari everything. He keeps that from him because he knows, whatever the overall consequences, Watari will not let Beyond near him if he knew the truth. He does not want his oldest ally's judgement clouded. Instead, he tells Watari that Beyond simply approached him. If only he had.

"What do you think, L?" Watari asks him, as he always does, grave and unflinching. "He could be lying."

"He could be," L agrees. "My hunch says he isn't."

"Also... I am getting old," Watari says it with a gentle smile, and L has to turn away.

"You're healthy," he insists. "Go to the doctors if you want, just in case, but we both know you're healthy and that Kira is going to strike. You were joking the other month about outliving the queen." His voice has started to shake, he can't help it.

"I know, dear, but any of us can go at any time." He pauses. "He didn't mention your death?"

"No. It's presumeably not close enough to worry about."

"Then you are thinking he's worth the risk?"

"If there's a chance he can see or do something to save you- "

"No." The old man holds up a hand. "If we are bringing in Beyond, it's for the case, with a plan. Not for me, L."

L lowers his head in acknowledgement, even as his eyes sting.

"There is no doubt he could help, and that that will save lives more quickly than if you were working alone," Watari observes, a little more gently.

"I'd still be working alone," he mutters. "I thought of installing him in the HQ, effectively keeping them both under lock and key, but it's too risky." _And I don't have it in me to cope with the two of them._ "If we were to bring him in, it would be in the guise of a specialist, to attack Light when he's not expecting it. Then we get him out again. We can plan our next move from there. We use Beyond without giving him the opportunity to do any harm, whatever his intentions are."

"It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind."

He turns to Watari. "You know him better than I do. What do you think?"

"I'm not sure I do," Watari says. "But I would like to see for myself how he's doing."

* * *

"How good are you with make-up?" L asks Beyond, with no preamble, when he's back at his front door. He is braver now, having more of an idea what to expect.

Beyond grins, and holds the door open for him.

"Good enough to cover the scars. It takes a while with the basic make up, but- "

"That's fine. What's going to happen is, you'll be introduced as a specialist working on the case, with your eyes. Use whatever alias you want, just not Rue Ryuzaki, as I'm using that."

"You're using my alias?"

"Wammy is Watari," he continues, ignoring him. He talks when he is nervous. "Don't give away yourself as Beyond Birthday, whatever you do. You don't have to dye your hair or anything, just don't give him any ideas that we have a history, unless it's strategic and you've discussed it with me first. I'm going to tell the rest of the team who you really are and what's happening, so you'll be under constant guard when you're there. This house is under surveillance, too, just so you know, so don't ever try anything. Did you read the notes I emailed you?"

The puppy has come running at the sound of his voice, and L focuses on him, catching him as he jumps up at his legs and pulling him into his arms.

"Yes, I did, but – what's the aim here? Am I winning Light's trust, antagonising him, or what?"

"Winning his trust would be great," L says. "But I don't think Light will fall for it, even if you mean what you're saying. He also knows what happens and doesn't think much of you - you as Beyond Birthday, that is.£ He sits on the sofa and lets the puppy wag his tail in his lap, trying to climb his chest.

"You told him?"

"He figured it out. I didn't have it in me at the time to throw him off." He nuzzles the puppy."Anyway, I think the first step is to introduce you to the team, have you work there for the day and see how it goes. Then we can decide how to proceed from there. Your input will of course be important, as your perception will tell us how you think you can best get to Light, if you can."

Beyond nods as he takes it all in. "So, I'm introduced as just your colleague, for now?"

"Exactly. Unless we decide to go down the route of you winning Light's trust, tell him everything and that you want me dead. Which naturally is probably your plan anyway. Oh, by the way," he adds, as Beyond opens his mouth to argue. "Watari would like to see you. He'll be here in about half an hour."

Beyond turns pale. "What, here?"

"Is there a problem with that?"

"Have you told him?"

"Everything but you…" he tries to think of how else to say it.

Beyond nods so he won't have to."Maybe you should have," he says, almost too quiet for L to hear. "He might be kind to me."

"He will most certainly be kind to you, perhaps even if he knew."

Beyond shakes his head. He goes to the kitchen to make them tea, L calms a little, knowing Watari will be here soon, and plays with the puppy as he fills Beyond in on the case, elaborating on his email. It is a relief, despite everything, to be able to talk to someone as sharp as himself. He has Light, of course, but he has to be careful with Light in a completely different way.

When the doorbell finally rings, Beyond turns to L with such desperation, his eyes pleading, that L gets up and answers the door himself.

Watari follows him into the hall, ignoring the dog, and looks at Beyond the way he had looked at his mugshot in the paper. Then he hugs him.

L disappears into the kitchen to make more tea. He shuts the door to block out Beyond's sobs. Alone, he raids the fridge and cupboards out of curiosity – he is rarely left unsupervised in people's homes – and finds of course jam, several other treats, but also meat, vegetables, cooking oil, staple groceries, a Japanese and Western mix. Beyond apparently is trying the whole being normal thing. L quite wants to steal a spoonful of jam, but Beyond may have had his tongue in it for all he knows. Some things never change.

When he returns, with tea for Wammy and the pot to refresh his and Beyond's cups, they are still murmuring on the sofa. Beyond's eyes are red.

Watari thanks L and takes his tea, and L takes his own to a neighbouring chair. It suddenly feels very English.

Watari asks Beyond how is his living. He explains how he became tight with one of the sharks in prison who knew his parents, how he helped Beyond with his escape, and get another loan after he got to Japan.

This is so stupid that L almost regrets getting him involved. He tells him so. "Why didn't you take a normal flat instead of a house? Just how much did you borrow, exactly? And how do you plan on keeping yourself, let alone a dog?"

"There are plenty of ways to earn," B snaps. "I've been working as a translator online. Langauges were the most useful things we learned at Wammy's. It's so easy, it pays well, and they can't give me enough work. And obviously I'll find more things to do, in time."

"We'll pay you," Watari speaks, before L can answer. "And we'll pay off that debt. That's the last thing you want. Anything else we can discuss after the case."

Beyond shifts uncomfortably. "I don- "

"I'm not _not_ paying you Beyond, however noble your intentions are." L says quickly, knowing Beyond is burning with what Watari hasn't been told. "Even Light's been offered a salary."

"Kira? But he won't take it?"

L's eyes narrow. "Your circumstances are very different. I'd advise you against doing yet another incredibly stupid thing."

"He's right, B," Watari says gently, breaking their gaze. "There's no point in bickering. There are far more important things to discuss."

Beyond sighs, and L knows that will be the end of it.

Building on L's thoughts from earlier, they sip their tea and make a plan.


	5. Alex Misora

L takes Beyond into the HQ half convinced that he will bare his teeth at all of them, announce, "I'm the back-up!" and reveal L's real name at once, effectively killing them both. He has had nightmares about this and worse.

But Beyond stays in character, introduces himself calmly as settled on Alex Misora as his alias, as it fit Beyond's Anglo-Japanese roots, and in memory of both A and Naomi. Neither of them miss Light's almost undetectable flinch at the surname. The others have been prepared for this, so it is an introduction for Light alone. L doesn't miss the hard look in their eyes as they look at him.

"I thought I would fight fire with fire," L explains, letting his gaze linger on Light as he says it. Criminals and Shinigami eyes with criminals and Shinigami eyes. Light's own eyes narrow almost imperceptibly. He is not pleased with this development. He is civil to Beyond, but L can see him sort of looking between them, trying to fit their relationship.

L hopes Beyond and himself aren't somehow unconsciously indicating their history. He has warned Beyond not to touch him in case he flinches. He knows he is still tense around Beyond, even with them all there, in the relative safety of the HQ, and he's sure Light picks up on the strain. He just hopes they can use it to their advantage.

Beyond is frowning over the last rules of the death note now, picking it up to read it better.

A few of the others breathe in, thinking of who he really is, but L doesn't flinch. He sneaks a glance at Light, who is also watching Beyond with forced wide eyes, jaw tense.

"L's right. These rules are fake," Beyond announces.

There is a little cry all round.

Beyond holds up the book to point out the rules he's referring to. "There's no harm in burning the death notes. No-one will die. The only consequence is that the owner will lose their memories, so it will be substantially harder to prove their guilt. But it will stop the problem. Kira and Kira 2 will run out of scrap pages eventually."

The team begin to speak almost at once.

"Then we should burn it!"

"What? And let whoever did it get on with their lives? Are you crazy?"

"And how many more people are going to die if we keep it?"

"The killers will never be brought to justice if we just burn them. We'd be effectively freeing them!"

"Enough," Soichiro snaps.

"Thank you, Alex," L says, and Beyond puts the note down.

" _Sorry_ ," Light says then, and they all look at him. His eyes are cold. "But why should we believe you? Isn't it a big risk to go on the word of one person?"

Beyond's eyes narrow and bore into his. "And what reason would I have to lie?"

They stare each other out.

* * *

"At least you know for sure he's Kira now," Beyond tells him.

They are at the coffee shop Light brought him to after their tennis match. L has gone for lunch with Beyond to keep up the pretence that Beyond is his colleague slash friend, and that he is not shit-scared of him.

Light has been eying Beyond like a snake all day, like he smells something's up, although Beyond has been perfectly civil, and it irks L because he really thought the trust angle would be the way to play it. He wants to diminish Light's suspicion as much as he's able.

It's more crowded than when Light took him, and their feet would be practically touching if L didn't have his curled around his chair.

"Relax," Beyond says, eying him. He helps himself to a handful of sugar cubes, offers L one. L thinks, not for the first time, how nice it would be to be around someone who shares his odd habits, if Beyond hadn't done what he did. But he mustn't think like that. Beyond may just be playing him. "I know you're not losing your touch," he goes on, oblivious. "It's just good to be 100% about these things. You do like him, after all."

"Shut up."

"It's OK. I think he likes you, too. That's what makes it interesting."

"He despises me."

"Reading people has never been your strong point, Lawli."

"I _can_ read him. We're similar enough." He drains his coffee and starts stacking the remaining sugar cubes.

"It's OK," Beyond says, as if sensing his distress. "It went well. You saw his face when I pointed out the fake rules."

L demurs. He doesn't want to admit he's agitated from being around both of them at the same time, the double threat of it. It's wearing him out even more than he anticipated. He doesn't even know what he's afraid of most anymore.

"He's such a spoilt brat, he's bound to get too cocky and slip up soon, do something stupid."

A pair of hands slam onto their table then, making them both jump. The cubes tumble, and one of their cups crash to the floor.

"I don't know what he said to you," Light jerks his head at Beyond without taking his eyes off L. They are blazing, oblivious to the stares he's getting. "But I. Am not. Kira."

"Yes, you are," Beyond counters at once, and Light turns to glare at him. "I am 100% sure that you are."

"Oh, really," Light says with contempt, getting off the table when the staff start making their way over. "Would you like to tell us how? It must be very useful to be _100% sure_ of whether someone has done something or not."

"OK," L says quickly, seeing Beyond is about to laugh in his face, escalate the situation further. He stands and gets between them. "Why don't we just get out of here and calm down? Alex, can you please, um, pay for the damages?" He drops his wallet in Beyond's lap and tugs Light outside.

"You should tell your new friend to be more careful, _Lawli_ ," Light spits, shaking him off, and L's heart sinks. "And I hope you realise this means I'm not Kira when you don't die in your bed tonight."

L jerks him back then when he turns to go. Light's eyes widen as he realises he can't free himself. L lets him see that they aren't quite equal in strength; L is just that little bit sharper, that little bit faster, especially when he's mad.

"What's my full name, then? And how do you spell it, for that matter?"

Light stays silent, glaring.

"Exactly." L lets him go.

"If I was Kira," he calls over his shoulder, not caring about the stares he's getting. "That guy would be dead."

"No need," L calls after him.

For using his real name like that, L has half a mind to kill Beyond himself.

* * *

He sends Beyond home and calls Watari to update him on the new developments. He doesn't get far when he senses something is off.

There is a little pause. Watari calls him by his real name then, and something inside L goes very still.

"I've been to the doctors."

The thing inside him begins to tremble, because no, this cannot be what's happening.

"It's not good news."


	6. Jealous

When it happens, L goes to shut down Watari's computer and sits there in a ball with his head on his knees.

The team keep a respectful distance. It's not Kira, not if the death note rules are accurate regarding late stage diseases; there is no way Kira could have known Watari's real name so long ago. L thinks of calling Beyond, then feels a kick of stupidity because of course he knows, he has probably already mourned. If he even cared. He still doesn't know how much of what Beyond says and does is a performance.

Light seems to forget the incident in the coffee shop. His pity for L has softened him. He lets himself into Watari's office without knocking, and L knows without looking up that it is him.

Light doesn't say anything, only pulls L's legs away and presses their foreheads together, one arm coming to rest around him. L stiffens only slightly at the touch, and then he gets used to it. They don't move, breathing and sitting like twins, until it eventually lulls L out of his trance, and he pushes Light away and goes to bed.

Light follows him. He doesn't undress or get under the covers, or touch him, just lies facing L a polite little distance away, and L is secretly, desperately grateful for it.

"I don't despise you, you know."

It takes L a minute to piece the conversation together from his memory.

"You're unreasonable, unbearable sometimes, but I don't despise you. I don't know where you got that from."

"It's not polite to eavesdrop."

"It's not polite to have conversations about people behind their back."

"It's kind of customary when they're a suspect."

"Oh, really? Sounded rather on the personal side to me."

He thinks about it. "You're right."

Light stiffens with surprise.

"It was very unprofessional. I'm sorry."

L keeps his eyes downcast. He barely feels Light shift. His lips are on L's forehead and then they are gone. Light is lying on his back now like nothing has happened. Feeling the ghost of his mouth, L wonders if anything actually has.

"Your friend doesn't like me much," Light muses. He always refers to Beyond as 'your friend,' like he knows an alias when he hears one.

"If you are Kira, if you are trying to kill me, it makes sense for him not to like you. Like you said, he's my friend." He feels sick at the words.

Light snorts. _"Friend."_

"Meaning?" L is sharper than he means to be, but Light is undisturbed. He is probably playing him.

"Seems rather jealous, your friend."

"He isn't jealous of me, Light. Not everyone you meet falls immediately in love with you."

"You know that's not what I mean."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I? Anyone can see we're close, despite everything. I think it would explain his over-protectiveness of you."

L sighs. Beyond is not protective, possessive, pehaps, it's just that he barely bothers to disguise his disdain for Light. L will have to have a word with him about it, if this is going to work.

Light sighs too and turns on his side again, softening. "At least it wasn't Kira."

L thinks of Watari, says nothing. _At least it wasn't you, you mean._

"How's the other case going?"

"Fine," L answers, after a beat. He forgets what Light knows and what he doesn't. He always refers to it as 'the other case.'

"They haven't found him yet?"

"No, but they're close. I suspect I'll be able to help once this is over."

Light doesn't answer him for a moment. "If there's anything I can do..."

L thinks he's asleep when he speaks again.

"I thought I was your first friend."

Light _is_ his first friend. Beyond will always be his attacker. But L can't tell him this.

"I lied."

* * *

When he feels someone so close, his instincts kick in over his still sleeping brain, and he flinches up and away before either of them know what's happening.

"Huh?" Light jumps with him, reaching for L automatically, and feels how he's breathing. "Hey, it's OK. It's me."

It's almost funny that Light has said this to be reassuring. And what's even funnier is that it is reassuring.

"I'm sorry." Light lets go of him, drawing away. "I shouldn't have – got close. That was stupid of me. Are you all right?"

"Yes." His heart is still going in the dark. He feels like a fool.

Light doesn't move away, but he doesn't lie back down. "Do you want me to go?"

"It's nearly morning anyway."

He feels Light shift and catches a glint of his watch. "It's 4am."

Light makes the decision for him. He lies down, not as close as before, but he rests the arch of his bare foot against L's, quiet and careless as hand-holding, and it is as smooth and perfect as the rest of him.

L sighs, easing himself back down, and ducks his head enough to rest against Light's collar. He's too tired to remember all the reasons why he shouldn't.

* * *

Near calls him to tell him about the funeral. With his funny, stoic little ways, L has no idea if Near feels anything or not. He suspects he does. Mello had meant to make the call but, according to Near, he is upset. L misses Mello.

When they're done, he feels unusually shaky, and goes to the kitchen for cake, finds they're all out, realises he'll have to change all their orders from Wammy's card to his own. It's too overwhelming to think about.

To distract himself, he goes to the spare room where they keep their unprocessed deliveries, on the off chance there is a box of wafers or marshmallows waiting. If not, he will maybe ask Light if he wants to go out and get something.

L had woken up before the other man that morning, carefully disentangled himself and avoided him since.

He sees Light just as he thinks this, in the corridor, and halts like he's seen an animal. Light is not alone. He is talking to Misa. He has his arms around her.

L ducks back before they can see him.

"I know," Light is saying. "I know it's hard. Just a little longer. This will all be over soon."

He is so gentle, so sincere, stroking her hair with his hands. In his head, L sees him rolling his beautiful eyes over her shoulder. Then he is looking into hers with such sincerity, maybe putting their foreheads together. _If there's anything I can do…_

Stupid. L backs away from them. He has to be more careful. He has to stay away from Light and keep using his head. He has to…he has to see Beyond, to plan their next move. He'd been putting it off but, in his current state, it is the best attack he can think of.


	7. Mead

He doesn't mean to fall sleep on the couch. Yes, he draws up his feet, and yes, his fingers course through the puppy's fur even slower than before, but he has every intention of drinking the coffee Beyond has made for him and getting out of there.

"It's OK, it's OK," Beyond soothes, when L jerks upright like he's been shot. The blanket he's been covered with falls to the floor. The puppy has long left him and is in his basket in the corner. It's dark. Beyond's face is illuminated eerily only by his laptop screen, watching L from the other end of the sofa. He wisely doesn't move any closer. "You're OK. Relax."

L goes to the window to get away from him. He doesn't know what the surveillance team are doing. He told them to be relaxed, and they seem to have taken him at his word. He needs to be more careful. He shouldn't relax around either of them.

"What time is it?" he asks Beyond.

"Just after one." Beyond pauses. "I told Soichiro you're here, that you were sleeping. He wanted you to call him when you woke up."

L texts instead, on the off chance that Soichiro is sleeping himself. He doesn't relax until he gets a reply. Nothing important, the older man was just checking up on him. He also has a message and two missed calls from Light, which he ignores.

Beyond puts his laptop away. "Do you want some cake?"

They eat slices of strawberry cake at either end of the couch, cross legged and facing each other. L hopes the sugar will revive him, like it always does, but it makes him even sleepier.

"Go back to sleep." Beyond smiles at him. "I'm not going to hurt you. You can have my bed, if you want. There's a lock on my door."

L shakes his head.

"I know." Beyond gets up and goes to the kitchen, comes back with a dark bottle and two glasses.

"I'm not drinking, Beyond," L snaps. "I'm trying to wake up."

"L, you _have_ to try this," he says, like they're 12. "I'm telling you, it's like honey in a bottle. You won't believe it's alcohol."

"I have to drive," he protests, but he eyes it at the mention of honey.

Beyond pours him a miniscule amount. "Just try," he begs. "You'll hate yourself if you don't."

L tries, and gives an involuntary moan at the sensation. "It is just like honey," he says in wonder.

"I know, right?" Beyond is nodding and pouring him more. L puts a hand out to stop him. "It's mead. The lady three houses down makes it. Can you believe it? She did it for her son's graduation, and it became a thing from then. I met her walking Chacha." He pours himself some. "What, do you still think I'll hurt you? I'll drink more than you if it'll make you feel better. This stuff is too good to share, anyway." He takes a generous gulp.

L takes a cautious sip. It really is divine. "What's the alcohol content?"

"I don't know, like 40%?" he giggles. "She doesn't put that on the label."

L can feel it.

He ends up finishing the glass and lets Beyond pour him another, letting Beyond get two ahead of him, reasoning that he can hardly harm him if L has the advantage.

They take the remainder outside, warm with mead, the grass lush and wet under their bare feet. The puppy follows them sleepily, a fluffy zombie, out to the wooden deckchairs at the bottom of the garden, and flops between them.

"I need to get a lawn mower," Beyond observes lazily.

L is staring at the stars, not listening. "You have a really nice house," he tells him, loosening with the drink despite himself.

Beyond giggles in the dark. "You're drunk, L, go home."

"I'm not. I wouldn't dare."

"You're not still scared of me, are you?" He says it like they're kids again. "Come on, Lawli."

"You're mentally ill."

"Be nice," he says idly, unoffended. "When Chacha grows up, I'll have him attack you for insulting me."

"I'm pretty sure Chacha's a shih tzu, Beyond. They don't get much bigger than your ankles."

"Really?" He sits up to look at Chacha, tilting his head. "I'm going to look so gay when I walk him."

"You are gay, aren't you"

"So? I don't believe in stereotypes."

L actually laughs then. His stomach loosens pleasantly, unfamiliar with the sensation.

Beyond lies back down and puts his hand behind his head. "Do you remember that time Wammy took us to Madame Tussauds in London?"

"The chocolate fountains," L says at once, picturing the strawberries and marshmallows, the creamy flow.

"And you said if you got rich enough, you'd buy one for the Wammy House."

L smiles at the memory. "Whenever I bring it up, Roger says somewhere needs decorating instead."

"I used to love those day trips to London."

"Me too. Remember those puppies in Harrods? And they let us hold one?"

"And those cakes in the V and A."

"The aquarium."

"The eye."

"The street puppets."

"The time A went missing in that bookshop."

"Oh, yeah." L laughs again, remembering. "And he'd nearly finished the book by the time we found him, and then he cried because Wammy wouldn't buy it for him."

"Yeah. Only he did buy it for him, didn't he?"

"I don't know. Maybe he went back and bought it himself. I remember him having it."

"Yeah."

They lie in silence for a little while. The puppy sighs between them.

"We didn't have as many good memories as we could have," L observes, after a bit. "The kids at Wammy's have a lot of holidays and trips now. It's nice."

"We didn't have any money," Beyond points out. "You don't go into… orphandom for the profit. Wammy probably didn't have much even with his inventions. I remember when you got older and he started taking you places, when Roger came on the scene, and there were suddenly more kids, that's when we got money. That's when everything started changing."

L absorbs this in silence. "Is that when A…?"

"I don't know," he admits. He rolls over to face L and puts his head on his elbow. L wonders, distantly, if his Shinigami eyes can see in the dark. "We were never close. I couldn't stand him, to be honest, because he was better than me. I think he knew."

"There are two kids like that now," L says, picturing the blondes. "It worries me. I'm supposed to choose between them. You know, who gets my title, the prime inheritance."

Beyond snorts. "You should just divide everything amongst them equally. Let your title die with you."

"Or let the title become W, for Wammy's," he muses out loud. "Then anyone can use it, dip in and out as they please. There's no…pressure."

"Hmm."

They fall silent again. L sits up for another sip of his drink, even though he still feels it in his blood. Beyond seems to have finished his. L can feel his eyes watching him.

"Does Yagami know these things?"

"Mm?" L tries to make out his eyes in the dark. It seems thicker out here in the suburbs, away from the city lights. "Know these things about me, you mean? Of course not."

"Do you want him to?"

"I can't think like that, not in these circumstances."

"That's as good as yes," he murmurs. "Pity, isn't it?"

L thinks about Light. "He doesn't like you much. What do you think of him?"

"Spoilt brat," he snorts. "You can do better. Quite like the girlfriend, though."

"Misa Misa? Isn't she more of a spoilt brat?"

"Slightly. But I've always had a sympathy for the neglected." He swings his legs to the side of the deckchair and sits, so they are face to face. "Yagami doesn't like me?"

"He says you're jealous."

He laughs, softly. "Perhaps I am."

L hears him move on his chair, but he doesn't realise how close he is until he feels lips warming his own. It takes L a moment to realise what's happening.

Then he pulls back as if L has struck him. "Sorry."

L stares at him in the dark. He's surprisingly unafraid. "It's OK," he says, but Beyond doesn't seem to hear him. He stands, a little off balance, and scoops the puppy up from the grass.

L finds their glasses, and follows him into the house.

Beyond rests the puppy back in his basket, who sinks in without opening his eyes, while L puts the glasses in the sink. His heart is hammering. He is unsettled, not sure he wants to be tipsy any more.

"Where's your surveillance?" Beyond drawls, without looking round at him. "Was that a bluff? I could have killed you out there, or when you were napping. I could kill you now."

L says nothing. He moves away from him, back to the couch, and folds the discarded blanket on it.

Beyond sighs, gets to his feet and comes to him. "If you want- "

L kisses him, unthinking, catches his arms to keep him from coming nearer.

He is afraid, but curiosity, and mead, have made him brave. He is also tired, and he just wants to be close to someone and not be hurt. If only Beyond had been his friend from the start. If only Light wouldn't lie to him at every second sentence, and L could be with him instead.

Then Beyond groans and jerks L backwards, pushing him up against the wall, breathing hard, and L gets a sick sense of déjà vu when he looks in his eyes. Their feet touch, cold and wet from the grass. Beyond remebers and collects himself, pulls himself off. "Lawli. L. I'm sorry. I - "

"It's OK." L pulls him back by the shirt and holds on, shaking only slightly. He doesn't know why he does it. "Just don't – don't – "

And he can't finish because Beyond is on him again, biting his neck, and he was going to say, don't hurt me, but he can't quite bring himself to, because now he's thinking maybe he wants Beyond to hurt him, maybe it will make him feel better.

When Beyond touches him, he's still afraid but it's different this time, it's better, it's rough then gentle, then rough again, it's good, and L's head goes back as he realises _this_ is what people do, he gets it now, he gets why other people are so important.

It is only a tiny, far away part of him that wishes it could have been Light instead.


	8. Ryuk

He gets back to the HQ in a haze. He doesn't want to think about what he's done.

He breezes past them all and hops onto his desk chair, waking up his computer.

Light is pissed, he can tell, but his features are neatly arranged into the sympathetic friend. He has the nerve to ask, with only a slight edge,

"Where you with your friend last night?"

L doesn't look up. "No."

There is no point in lying when Light knows he is, but that never stops Light from lying to him.

Light frowns at him.

"If you need to take some time for the funeral..." Soichiro tells him, and L doesn't even stop typing.

"Can't," is all he says. "It's in England. It's already been arranged."

He senses Light soften at this. He opens his mouth, as if to argue, then thinks better of it. He stays at L's side all day.

L stays at the HQ with him, and doesn't talk to Beyond for some time.

* * *

When Light ducks out for some fresh air, when L is getting back to his old self and too much for him, he's as far as he dares get from the HQ when Beyond comes sailing from nowhere. He smiles straight at Ryuk, teeth and eyes shining. "Hello."

Both Light and Ryuk freeze. Then Light says, "Who are you talking to?"

Beyond takes no notice of him. He looks steadily at Ryuk, who shrugs and says, "Hey."

Light resists every fibre of his being that wants to flinch.

"What's your name?" Beyond says conversationally. "I've never met a Shinigami before."

"Ryuk. Who gave you their eyes?"

"Oh, I was born with them," he laughs.

Ryuk's eyes widened. "Seriously? I've never heard of that. How did that happen, your parents do something?"

"Maybe," Beyond says, a little too brightly. "I wouldn't know. They died when I was very young." He turns to Light sympathetically, who is staring at him like he is insane. "It's OK, Yagami. I already knew you were Kira. I just wanted to meet your Shinigami. I've never met one before." He smiles at Ryuk again. "Apple?" He produces one from his pocket and throws it before Ryuk can answer.

Light's lip curls. "You're crazy," he says. He turns to go back inside.

Beyond continues talking to Ryuk. "So why aren't you telling Light L's name? Are you Team L, too?"

"Hey, I'm just enjoying the show," Ryuk shrugs, finishing the apple. "I'm impartial."

Beyond laughs. "Sounds good to me. It's a hell of a show."

"You do realise," Light turns back to spit at him. "That I'm going to tell L that the specialist he's hired is a nutcase?"

"I've already told L about your Shinigami," Beyond tells him.

Light just grits his teeth.

"Listen, Yagami-kun, I know who you are."

"I know who you are, too," he says, with contempt, and without skipping a beat. He smirks when the other man's grin wavers. "Beyond Birthday. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Beyond falters, and Light savours it, standing there smirking at him.

The other man looks torn for a moment, checks behind himself. Then his eyes narrow and his tone changes completely. "Fine."

Light's smirk wavers.

He gives a little laugh. "You got me. I'm only here to get close enough to L to break him. And it's working, he's falling for it. He's falling for _me_." His eyes darken with contempt. "Do you really know who I am? I'll tell you. I lived my whole life around L. I grew up with him. I loved him, and he never did a thing for me. He's nothing."

Light takes a step back at his tone.

Beyond glances back at the HQ, momentarily nervous, sees no-one and relaxes. He smiles at Light like a snake.

"You can't imagine the things I want to do to him." He holds Light's gaze, quieter now. "I'll help you. I don't care if you send me with him or not. He's a hard man to bring down, so I sympathise with you completely. So let's cut the crap. Do you want to know what his name is?" He smiles just slightly, waiting.

Light still looks too stunned to speak. Perhaps he is unable to believe his luck. Then his eyes harden. "I don't care," he says steadily. "What his name is."

Beyond's eyes almost flare back at him. "No? He is winning, you know. I'm saving you."

"You should think about saving yourself," Light snaps. He takes another step back, as if Beyond's very presence disgusts him. "You're pathetic. _You're_ nothing. I don't know what possessed L to bring you here. We don't need you."

"Listen to me, you idiot," Beyond snaps. He is furious. "I want him to _lose."_

Light takes no notice; he is already walking away, shadowed by Ryuk.

Beyond glares at them until they are gone.

* * *

 **A/N: If you wouldn't mind leaving one teeny, tiny review, that'd be amazing :)**


	9. Misa

Beyond tuts in annoyance, turning to go himself, and gasps as he almost smacks into L.

"Jesus," he says, recovering. "You should be a ninja."

L is staring after Light as if he could still see him. "That was interesting."

"Wasn't it? The Shinigami is useless, though."

"You were a bit too theatrical," L says, like he hasn't heard him. "All that I-loved-him stuff. It was bit over the top."

"I was improvising," he huffs. "And that was fine. It was the he's-falling-for- _me_ part that got him. You didn't see his face. I shouldn't have pissed him off like that. I should have played to his ego more."

L looks at him, worried. "You know I'm not falling for you, right?"

"Yes." He rolls his eyes. "Was I that convincing?"

"It did freak me out a little, yes."

"Oh, Lawli." Beyond ruffles his hair.

L steps out of the way. "What were you trying to do, exactly?"

"I was trying to buy some time and get him to not kill me. How the hell does he know who I am?"

"He could have overheard one of the others," L is looking thoughtful. "Though I can't imagine them being careless enough to discuss it. Perhaps Misa has been lurking somewhere and saw you. Maybe he did some research on you from when you were in the papers. We should have disguised you better. I'm sorry."

"So that's it, I'm going to die?" he says it with contempt, as if it is the biggest inconvenience. "And what do you mean, maybe Misa was lurking? Let's get you out of here, then."

"We should carry masks," L says thoughtfully, as Beyond drags him along. Then he digs his heels in the ground. "I have to go after him. I have to call him. He could already be on the phone to Misa."

"Don't be stupid, L. What are you going to say? Please don't kill Beyond, Light, because we kissed and made up and I actually quite like him now? He'll probably have me writhing in agony."

"But we- "

"It's too late, L. Even if you've got him in there, you can't stop Amane."

He doesn't protest as Beyond pushes him into the BMW, and surrenders the keys when Beyond holds out his hand.

"I'm sorry, Beyond."

Beyond doesn't say anything.

Back in the house, he scrubs the make up off his scars in a manner almost painful to watch. Then he digs in the fridge for jam and eats it crouched on the floor with his fingers, as if it were Light's blood. "Fuck being normal. I'll be dead soon."

L watches him, chewing his thumb. He has not taken it out of his mouth since they left the HQ.

Chacha jumps up at Beyond, sniffing at the jar hopefully, but he takes no notice of him.

"The deaths have stalled recently." L tastes blood as he bites too hard, keeps nibbling anyway. "Since both notes have been in our custody. Perhaps they've run out of scrap pages."

"Or they've scheduled deaths for months ahead," Beyond finishes with contempt, licking jam off the lid.

"He might not kill you. He may think that ll raise suspicion."

"He _will_. He'll just put it off. But maybe it's a good thing."

L stops nibbling his thumb to stare at him.

"I was getting scared, to be honest." He tosses the empty jar in the trash and starts in on another one. "For when it's over, going back inside. And even if you somehow decide to let me stay free, what the hell am I going to do when you're gone? All I've ever known is Wammy's, and then jail. I don't know how to live. All I know is how to be you, and I couldn't even get that right."

"Beyond." L puts his hand on his wrist to stop him eating. "You've got a brain. You've got a house and resources from Wammy's that will give you lots of options for work. Languages is just one of them. You can _talk_ to people. You can do anything you want. And anyway," he steels himself. "Just because the case is over soon, it doesn't mean I'll be gone."

Beyond stares at him. "You can't mean that," he says. "Not after what I've done."

"I don't know," L lets go of him and looks away. "I think you should be back in jail. But then I think of you here, working and having neighbours, having a dog, being normal, and I think of A and how it could have been, and Near and Mello, and - "

"OK," Beyond cuts him off. "OK, let's not get maudlin. I'm probably not going to be around long enough for grand plans, anyway."

L bites his thumb. "It's my fault."

Beyond sighs.

"I should have been more careful."

He pulls L's hand away from his mouth. "It's not your fault." He keeps hold of his hand. "You can't save everyone. We knew this was on the cards."

Beyond replaces the lid on the jam and puts it back in the fridge, finally picking up the dog, who squirms with delight.

"Let's make smaller plans," he says. "I should really have you send me to Disneyworld for my last few months or so, but I might as well make myself useful while I'm still here. Why don't we talk about Misa Amane?"


	10. End

Beyond kicks him out when he tries to stay the night.

"We both know how this is going to go down, no point in getting close to me," he says, pushing L off him. "Think of me as the serial killer, the rapist. It'll make it easier. Try and find out how long I've got, if you can. I'll go to Misa now, but there's probably no point in spying if I haven't got long. Like you said, the deaths have been stalling. It'll be weeks, at least, before the next one. Also, it'd be good if I had some time to find someone for Chacha."

"But- "

Beyond pushes him towards the door.

"Get _out_ , L."

* * *

There's something off about Light when he gets back. L doesn't think it's just the anger at their decision to burn the death notes. If anything, he should be relieved. And he's not only angry. He has done something. Something has just recently got to him. He would have got over what happened with Beyond last night, would mask his feelings better. After what L feels will be their final meeting, their final important one, anyway, L takes Light up on the roof, away from the cameras, and just looks at him.

Light puts his hands in his pockets, leans on the door, and waits him out.

L sighs. "I don't have any hidden microphone on me, and there's nobody watching."

Light rolls his eyes, like he saw it coming. "I'm not confessing, L, you're wasting your time."

"Do you believe me?"

"I don't care."

"There's nothing you want to say to me before we do this, nothing at all? Just between us?" He looks at Light and waits.

"Why didn't you tell me who he is?"

L's eyes widen. He wasn't expecting this. Then he answers steadily, "You know who he is. He told me what happened."

"That's not what I mean. Why didn't you tell me it was him, it was Beyond Birthday, who that did that to you?" He lifts his head to look L in the eye. "Why did you tell everyone else that Beyond Birthday did that to you but not tell me?"

He sinks in on himself as he wonders, dully, how Light figured it out. Light could maybe let Beyond's crimes slide as a murderer, for now, but not as L's attacker. There was no way. He'd been awake all night clinging to the tiny, tiny hope that Light hadn't had a chance to write his name, that they'd just burn the notes and it would be done. But of course, it's not the notes that are the problem. It's Misa, it's the scrap pages. And Light will have given her his orders on learning L's attacker.

"I thought he was your friend," Light says now, in disgust. "What were you thinking, bringing him here?"

"I wanted to end it," L snaps, before he can stop himself. He takes a breath before continuing, drawls on. "Don't you get it, Light? Writing those fake rules was the stupidest thing you could have done. You should be glad Beyond told us they were fake, because burning the notes is the only hope you've got. And I want to do it. I don't want to win. I just want it to be over. That's why I brought Beyond here. I got so desperate, I would do anything to end it all faster. Are you happy now?"

Light is glaring at him. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, I'm not- "

"When this is over," L cuts him off, as blandly as he is able. "When we burn the death notes and you're free, I'm never speaking to you again. I don't know how you feel about that. I have no idea what was real in all of your stories, but I was hoping we could be friends. I was hoping we could work together, despite everything."

"L- "

"So tell the truth right now or we're done."

"L," he snaps again. "You can't force a confession out of me to convict me."

"I don't want to convict you. I told you. You just have to tell me when Beyond's going to die, because I'm the one who has to take care of it, because I'm the only one left." He has to turn away.

"I thought he was blackmailing you." Light says it so quietly, L almost thinks he misheard him. "I could see you were uncomfortable with him. And then when I realised he was the one who did that to you, and that he wasn't even in jail…You didn't even have Watari to look out for you. What was I supposed to do?"

"You were trying to kill me," L says, with contempt. "And your logic is that you couldn't let someone else do it for you?"

"I thought he was _hurting_ you," Light snaps. "We didn't need him here. You didn't need his help and neither did I. You should never have brought him. And I couldn't kill you. I couldn't. That's why we're here."

"We're here because you've lost, Kira."

Light shakes his head, ignoring this. "I thought you were getting hurt."

"He's my friend."

"Friend," he repeats in disgust. "What's wrong with you? Have you not heard of Stockholm Syndrome?"

"You don't understand," L sits on the floor to draw up his legs, hugs them. "Don't you see? This is why you can't have the death note, why no-one can. It's not as simple as that. It never is."

Light doesn't seem to be listening. He is pacing above L. "Another thing," he says, and L looks up at him dully. "About my planning on killing you. I wasn't going to tell you, but as it's all out in the open now, you're probably recording every word, I may as well."

L opens his mouth to argue, but Light ploughs on.

"After our little run in at the coffee shop, I looked up male British tennis champions in the past ten years. Lawli is an unusual nickname, after all, and L. Lawliet was the only name that fit. I assume it was spelt right, but I don't know for sure, because _I never wrote it."_

L says nothing. He is staring at his feet. He has lost. He has not only lost Watari and countless others, but he has lost completely.

Light seems to be waiting for a response. He kneels opposite L on the ground and picks his face up, cupping his hands around him."Did you hear me? I could have killed you all this time and I didn't."

"Yes." L leans back, almost as an afterthought. Light lets his hands fall away.

"Well?" Light's voice hitches.

"Can you write everything down?"

"What?" He stares at him. "You want a written confession?"

"No," he says, and means it. "For when we burn them and you lose your memories. Just for yourself. And for me. I won't be able to talk to you if you think I was torturing you all this time for nothing."

Light stares at him. "That's it?"

L says nothing. He is thinking about Beyond. It doesn't hurt the way Naomi's death had, let alone Watari's, but it grips harder than he expected. It hadn't sunk in until now that Beyond was going to die. L hadn't been comfortable around him, hadn't even liked him that much, but wonders if he could have got past that, given time. Been his friend. Hhe suspects he could have.

"I didn't kill Watari," Light blurts. "I don't know how to prove it, but I didn't. Misa never saw him, either. I don't know his real name."

"You know it was late stage cancer," L drones. "Unless you figured out his name a long time ago, which I doubt, you couldn't have killed him like that."

"That's right." His hand covers L's. "I was just making sure you knew. L, for the others, I was doing what I thought was right."

"I know." L takes his hand away. "If you or Misa have any scrap pages, please burn those too."

"Did you mean what you said?"

L looks at him. "Did you?"

He frowns. "Which part?"

"I don't know. Everything and anything you've ever said, ever? Did you mean any of it?"

"L," he sighs.

"How did you find out?"

It takes Light a moment to get his meaning. "I've been hacking into the files on Beyond Birthday every day. I knew something was up when his name was in the paper as a heart attack I hadn't written. Then my Father updated them this morning with what he did to you. How his arrest was suspended so he can help."

L closes his eyes. Of course, with the notes being burnt, with the murders dwindling, of course Soichiro was going to update the files. He is meticulous like that. L should have known. Beyond is going to die because of his stupidity. "Tell me when he's going to die."

"Why do you care about him so much?"

L doesn't look up. Why does he? Because Beyond is his only friend left? Because he makes L accepted as a freak? Or had he really just felt guilty all along for the state Beyond was in, for A, for all of it?

Light sighs, takes out his phone. "I'll call Misa back. I only just told her to do it."

Of course he had.

L listens, dully, to his end of the conversation, and Light can't quite meet his eyes when he hangs up.

"I'm sorry, L," he says, like L knew he would. "I was upset when I told her to do it. I wasn't thinking. I didn't tell her to set a later date. She just wrote it."

L's mouth curls. Beyond is dead because he was stupid, and because Light was upset.

Light holds out a hand to him. "I'm sorry," he says again.

He feels sick. All along he was with Beyond wishing it were Light, not trusting him, and it should have been the other way round. What's worse is that he still feels the same. Getting to burn the death notes is merely his consolation prize.

Light pulls him into a hug, and L lets him. He is too numb to care.


	11. Beyond Birthday

The case has ended, even if it is technically still open. Of course, no-one but L and Light know the case is over; the HQ are still alert for other notes, for killings from the scrap pages, but L believes Light when he tells him he had Misa burn them, that there are no deaths after Beyond Birthday. It's not much to go on, the words of Light Yagami, but sometimes he has to trust his hunches.

Light wrote everything down like L asked him to. After they burn the notes, after he reads them, he comes to L with his eyes dark and scared.

"Rip it up now," L says, nodding at the pages. "Unless you've changed your mind about confessing."

Light tears them up. His hands are shaking. "You're really letting the case go?"

"What can I do? It's over, that's the most important thing. And I've technically won, even if I don't get to glorify it. But I'm used to that."

"You must hate me."

L thinks about it. "It could have been worse," is all he says.

"Are you going to…?"

L looks at him. His eyes are still wide, fearful. "Cut you off? No. I don't think I will. I don't think I can."

Light relaxes slightly. "Thank you." He leans on L's shoulder.

L lets him, but his voice hardens. "You don't have to do this, you know. Be close to me. I'm not going to convict you for not liking me."

"I like you."

"And you can't lie to me again."

"I won't."

L lets his head rest against Light's, just slightly. It's a start.

* * *

He forces himself to go to the house for the puppy's sake.

Beyond had been friendly with the neighbours, but he probably hasn't been there long enough for them to stop by unannounced, even if the dog was barking 24/7 because it was starving. The surveillance team had been called off since Beyond threw him out of the house, since they knew they'd have to up their game.

He'd hoped Beyond would die. Even later, even in bed with him, a little voice in his head would whisper that Beyond could join Kira to destroy him in the worst way imaginable. It doesn't seem likely now.

Misora, Watari, Beyond. He has no-one left in the world but Light, the one who took most of them away.

Beyond's house really is beautiful. He was lucky to have grown up here, before Wammy's. L didn't have anything before Wammy's, not even memories.

He gets out of the car, and he can't hear the puppy crying. It is so young, it probably doesn't understand. It is probably asleep on Beyond's head. Presuming he's in there. He obviously hasn't been found by Misa Amane. He could be anywhere.

What is L going to do with the puppy? He can't travel with it. Perhaps he can somehow get it to Wammy's house. He would have to really worm his way around Roger, but it would be worth it; the kids would love him.

He is still figuring out how to break into the house, when the door opens by itself, and Beyond is standing there looking at him. His mouth twists with sympathy, almost patronisingly, as he sees L's face.

"Took you long enough."

He holds up a scrap piece of paper.

 _Beyond Birthday._

 _Dies peacefully of old age._

The second line is in a different, hastily scribbled script.

"Misa Misa is an idiot," Beyond comments, and grunts a little as L knocks him back in a hug. "Ah, Lawli, I didn't know you cared."

L buries his head in his shoulder, and B hangs on to him, kicking the door shut behind them. "Can it work like that?"

"We'll see, won't we? I did it in plenty of time." He pushes L back gently and takes him into the house. "Are you losing your touch? I knew you thought I was dead when you stopped calling, but I'm surprised you didn't click on. I've been spying on her all along. It was harder when she was out and about, at work, but she was at home when her darling Light called. Her house is surprisingly easy to break into, considering her status. So I fixed this when she went to answer the phone, swapped it with another scrap piece of paper saying my name, just the way she'd written it. I don't think I got the handwriting quite right, but she doesn't seem to have noticed. I got lucky."

"You're unbelievable," L says. "You were in her _house_? We didn't agree to that."

"She was my murder weapon, Lawli, what did you expect me to do? I didn't let her out of my sight. I wonder why Yagami waited so long to give the orders?"

He tells Beyond, briefly, what has happened.

"Ah," is all he says. "You took your time getting here. Poor Chacha would have starved."

"Why didn't you call?" L snaps. "You knew I thought you were dead."

"Well, to be honest," he grins slightly. "I was sort of enjoying it. I fooled you. _You_ , L, and I got away with sort of faking my death a second time. I wanted to see your face. I wanted to see how you'd react. Don't be mad," he says quickly. "I'm alive, and you've had a death note bonfire. We should be celebrating!"

He gets some strawberries out of the fridge and opens a tin of condensed milk.

"I'm out of cake," he explains.

L almost laughs, wonders for a moment if he might not love him after all. "You're a bastard," L tells him. "After everything you've done. You should have called me."

"You're a bastard," Beyond retorts. "You want Light instead of me."

L stiffens.

Beyond smiles at him fondly. "I'm joking, Lawli. I love you, but I think we're just acting out our fantasies with each other. Light's sharp. I can see why you care about him. I'd still say you can do better, but," he shrugs. "Maybe he'll be slightly less of a dick now, considering what's happened."

"But can it really work like that?" L persists.

"Well, it seems to," he says. "It was days ago, nothing happened. She really did burn the notes after he told her to, I saw it. Then I came home. Waited for you." He grins. Hhe shakes his head as L drains the tin. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to eat like you without gaining weight? Why do you think I mostly stuck to jam?"

"No-one was forcing you," L says, wiping his mouth off. He makes a mental note to get to a western supermarket for condensed milk.

Beyond is watching him. "So, what now?"

"I'm putting you back under surveillance," he says. He tries to snap, but relief has softened him. He wants to hug Beyond at the same time as he wants to hit him. "I know I shouldn't. You can work with me on some cases, if you want to."

"Love to," he says. "Thank you. Is it the same for Light?"

"I'm not arresting him, no."

"You should have asked him to leave his girlfriend."

"I think that's a given."

"It better be." He muses. "Maybe we should break them up. I like Misa Misa."

"I don't think it'll be as simple as that."

"No," he agrees. "But it'd be nice, wouldn't it?"


End file.
